[Man is this how it is on the other side? He's fucked up with a lot of people, hurt them when it comes to 'dating', used very loosely, but this is a whole new thing. Considering as far as he was concerned there had never been an actual relationship.
Not how Kirk had thought. Or had thought? At least that's what he thinks Kirk is getting at. What he does get is a whole bunch of sorry sliced up and handed to him on a humble plate.
Part of him knows that wasn't Kirk, still didn't make it feel any less shitty.]
...
[Peter sighs through his nose, hand brushing through his hair as he decides how to handle this.]
Alright, okay.
[He nods, head bobbing a little. Okay he has no idea how to handle this, or what to say, so his fingers tap tap against the door frame.]
This mean everything is cool between us? You know with...
[The whole relationship thing, because he's sorry, Kirk, but that's just not him. He likes being a free farmer, free to sow his seed-- no wait that's a terrible analogy.]
[ Kirk waits as patiently as he can for a response. Any kind of response. What he gets... is, again, better than he was expecting but also not what he wanted to hear. Or he did. And then he didn't. He honestly doesn't want to try and analyze anything right now outside of what happened.
He shakes his head, starting to use his hands as he talks because he's still trying to make sense of what happened. ]
I honestly don't know why that happened except that I was forced or something -- other people have been acting weird and possessive and trying to keep control over others. I know it sounds like some excuse or made up bullshit but it's the only thing that makes any sense.
When I woke up, I was in control of what I did and said and then, somehow, I... I couldn't control any of it anymore.
[Okay okay, he gets it. He'll even wince, holding up his hand to just. Shhh, Kirk slow down, stop. The more he talks the more it does sound like excuses, but while Peter hasn't been here as long as most, he's gotten the down low that this place is crazy and shit happens.
Granted shit happens is basically the motto of his life.]
No I get it-- I mean--
[Another sigh and his hand rubs over his face.]
We're cool now, right? Crazy shit aside, figured you were my friend, Jim and guess I'm making sure we're on the same level now? Really not looking forward to any repeats of this.
[God how does he even say this? There's a groan and he just comes out with it.]
Like I didn't lead you on or anything?
[Because he was pretty sure he didn't. That it was all just mutual buddy sex.]
[That's a relief, because Peter HAS led on plenty of people, but he sure as hell hadn't meant to with Kirk. That's what pissed him off the most about the entire situation before.
The reassurance from the captain is a relief, but he still feels a bit ehh about things.]
Okay, Captain. I accept your apology.
[Peter of course tries to play it all off with some humor, because things got way too serious. Gotta deflect the serious away and make things less awkward.]
[ Kirk's glad Peter is looking away when he declines the offer (rejects, his mind substitutes). Because shit. That hurt way more than he thought it would. His expression actually shows it for a split second before he's forcing another smile, nodding, pushing out a laugh. ]
Yeah. It is a pretty small house for three people.
And, hey,
[ He gestures to the doorway of the apartment, ]
Looks like you found a good place for yourself, at least. There wasn't anything here when I first got here.
[ Kirk takes a look and raises his brows, as if he's impressed but it's all for show. He isn't really looking. Just pushing himself through the act of what's expected of him.
He takes a few steps back, away from the door, forcing another laugh, shaking his head as he shoves his hands into his pockets, ]
Nah. He'll just find something else to complain about. Pretty sure his middle name is actually "Cantankerous".
[ He then starts walking in the way he came, throwing up a hand as his goodbye. ]
Anyway, I gotta get back before he starts ranting to himself. See ya around.
[He manages to give a genuine laugh at Kirk's comment on Bones, thinking he may be right. Then the good captain is starting to back away, leaving, and even though things still felt awkward, it felt worse watching him go.
Peter felt like while they'd smoothed things out that it would never be the same.]
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Not how Kirk had thought. Or had thought? At least that's what he thinks Kirk is getting at. What he does get is a whole bunch of sorry sliced up and handed to him on a humble plate.
Part of him knows that wasn't Kirk, still didn't make it feel any less shitty.]
...
[Peter sighs through his nose, hand brushing through his hair as he decides how to handle this.]
Alright, okay.
[He nods, head bobbing a little. Okay he has no idea how to handle this, or what to say, so his fingers tap tap against the door frame.]
This mean everything is cool between us? You know with...
[The whole relationship thing, because he's sorry, Kirk, but that's just not him. He likes being a free farmer, free to sow his seed-- no wait that's a terrible analogy.]
I thought we were good, Jimmy.
no subject
He shakes his head, starting to use his hands as he talks because he's still trying to make sense of what happened. ]
I honestly don't know why that happened except that I was forced or something -- other people have been acting weird and possessive and trying to keep control over others. I know it sounds like some excuse or made up bullshit but it's the only thing that makes any sense.
When I woke up, I was in control of what I did and said and then, somehow, I... I couldn't control any of it anymore.
no subject
Granted shit happens is basically the motto of his life.]
No I get it-- I mean--
[Another sigh and his hand rubs over his face.]
We're cool now, right? Crazy shit aside, figured you were my friend, Jim and guess I'm making sure we're on the same level now? Really not looking forward to any repeats of this.
[God how does he even say this? There's a groan and he just comes out with it.]
Like I didn't lead you on or anything?
[Because he was pretty sure he didn't. That it was all just mutual buddy sex.]
no subject
He shakes his head, eyes looking down, brow furrowed. ]
No. No, you didn't.
[ And he didn't. It was this place and... other things that were to blame. Not Peter.
He then holds a hand up as if to swear it, making a cutting motion through the air. ]
There won't be a repeat of this.
[ Not if he can help it. ]
no subject
The reassurance from the captain is a relief, but he still feels a bit ehh about things.]
Okay, Captain. I accept your apology.
[Peter of course tries to play it all off with some humor, because things got way too serious. Gotta deflect the serious away and make things less awkward.]
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You're free to move back if you want...
[ Might as well throw it out there. ]
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Yeeaaah... about that.
[Looking down at the floor, the wall, any where but Kirk.]
Think for now I'll stick it out here, see how that works out for me. Besides, you've got your buddy Bones. Twos company, threes a crowd, Jimmy.
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Yeah. It is a pretty small house for three people.
And, hey,
[ He gestures to the doorway of the apartment, ]
Looks like you found a good place for yourself, at least. There wasn't anything here when I first got here.
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Not too shabby.
And hey, Bones'll have a bit more peace and quiet without me there. Win win for everyone.
[Exactly. Sure.]
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He takes a few steps back, away from the door, forcing another laugh, shaking his head as he shoves his hands into his pockets, ]
Nah. He'll just find something else to complain about. Pretty sure his middle name is actually "Cantankerous".
[ He then starts walking in the way he came, throwing up a hand as his goodbye. ]
Anyway, I gotta get back before he starts ranting to himself. See ya around.
no subject
Peter felt like while they'd smoothed things out that it would never be the same.]
Say hi to Bones for me!
[But he waves goodbye all the same.]